Phone hassle and changes...

I think I've forgotten to tell you that my beloved new phone is (temporarily?) out of order. I managed to kill the screen when it slipped out of my hands the other week. The phone itself is still in perfectly good condition but the LDC-display does NOT like getting hit off the pavement. :/ Since I like to be able to see what I'm doing with the phone, rather than just guessing, I've returned to using my ancient Nokia. *buhu!*

The stupid thing is that it costs a fortune (or at least a stupid amount!) to get a new display for the phone...! :[ After doing some hunting on the internet S thinks that he can probably fix it himself for about a 6th (!) of the price we were offered.

So, I've been without my brilliant little camera for what feels like ages and I've not been able to take pics of either the kids or the progress of the rooms downstairs. The hallway is as good as done and looking fantastic! :D

I've also tried freshening up our dated, boooring, kitchen a bit with new covers for the kitchen chairs and getting matching curtains up... I did however find pics of the fabrics on the internet (yay for google images!) so I can still show you that. :) It's like a vitamin boost! :D Just childish enough to make me smile. :D

The fabric for the kitchen chairs is treated to make them easy to wipe down (akrylatväv) which is fab since the old cotton plaid fabric really was not very stain friendly. The apples and pears are a good size, roughly about 7x7 cm.

The cotton fabric for the (according to google translate, gardinkappa=) valance I'm (my mum's! ;)) making is a bit brighter (no pink and more red&yellow) than the one for the chairs and the apples and pears are smaller, about 3x3 cm... Could only find the fabric as an apron but thought it was still good to show the difference between the two. :)

It might seem a bit "crazy" of a choice but the rest of the kitchen is just sooo bland (beige/off white) that it needs a little crazy to perk it up! :)

I did take a before and after pic of the chairs with S phone and I'll add them here whenever I get a hold of his phone again! ;)

Edited Sept. 29th to add:

It's not the greatest photo but still shows the before and after quite well. The "before" chair was the worst of the bunch so maybe not a fair comparison but you see the difference...! ;)

E.

Anton

Yes, I blog in English but kiddies mostly (only) talk Swedish and they do say the funniest things and to translate is not the same and honestly too much of a pain just before bedtime! ;)

...
Anton har inte varit så intresserad av vart bebisar kommer ifrån eller döden och sånt förräns alldeles nyligen. Jag tror det måste ha kommit på tal på dagis för han har ändå rätt klara idéer.
Han vet att bebisar finns i mammas mage och att pappa "fixar" så det blir bebis i magen... :) Låter honom klura på saker o ting och försöker att inte "störa" funderingarna med mina tankar men ibland så får jag allt styra upp det lite... ;)

Anton satt brevid mig och väntade på att få spela sitt Dora (Utforskaren) spel på datorn och pratade på som vanligt. Så tittar han på mig med sina stora underbara blå ögon och säger med lite lillgammal ton på rösten;
"När jag blir stor ska jag fixa bebis i magen på Erin... Så att hon kan bli stor tjej."
Ehm... "Eh...Jaha...?" (och kunde inte låta bli att fråga) "Hur ska du göra det då?"
"Jag bara FIXAR det!" sa han stolt.
"Du kommer fixa jättefina bebisar Anton, det är jag helt säker på, men man fixar inte bebisar i sin systers mage... Du kommer hitta nån annan fin tjej att fixa bebisar med..."

Sen så bubblade han på om annat och så konstaterade han att,
"När man blir jättegammal så dör man."
"Ja, det gör man."
"Och när Vaari (morfar) blir jättegammal och dör så finns han inte mer..."
"Näe, då finns han inte mer..."
Så såg han lite smågrubblande ut så jag la till "...men, du kommer ju ihåg Vaari även om du inte ser honom - som nu. Så när han inte finns mer så är det ledsamt men du blir glad igen när du kommer ihåg allt roligt ni gjort tillsammans..."
"Mmmm! En gång fick jag hjälpa Vaari tvätta motorcykeln!" sa han glatt :)
"Precis så..." ...och så var han vidare på något helt annat...

Jag tycker det är så spännande vad han kommer på för något när han funderar... Samtidigt känner jag lite stress över vad tror/tycker jag egentligen och hur ska jag förklara det faktiska i "fixandet" när det slutligen kommer på tal...? ;)

Edited Sept. 29th to add:
After Nee's interesting online translation I thought I'd give my version of what was "said" above. ;) This is how I would have written it in English if I hadn't been too tired at the time. :)
------
Anton’s not been very interested in where babies come from or death or anything existential like that until just recently. I think it must have been brought up at day care because he seems to have fairly clear ideas...
He knows that babies grow in mommy’s tummy and that daddy puts them there. :) I try to let him figure things out himself and try not to disturb him in his pondering with my own thoughts but sometimes he does need a bit of help…

He was sitting beside me at the computer, waiting to play with his Dora (the Explorer) game and was talking away as per usual. He looks at me with his big beautiful blue, oh so innocent, eyes and says in a precocious tone of voice;
“When I’m a big boy I’m going to put a baby into Erin’s tummy…and then she’ll be a big girl.”
Oh…! “Ehm…really?” (and couldn’t help but to ask) “And how are you going to do that?”
“I’m just going to put it there!” he replied proudly.
“I’m sure you’ll have beautiful babies Anton, but you just don’t put babies in your sisters tummy. You’ll find another girl to make babies with." :)

He kept on babbling on and then stated that;
“When you’re really old you die.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“And when Vaari (granddad) is really old and dies he’ll not be here anymore…”
“No, then he’ll not be here anymore.”
He looked somewhat puzzled so I added “…but…you know that you still remember Vaari, even if you can't see him – like right now. So when he’s not here anymore it’ll be very sad but you’ll feel better remembering all the fun stuff you’ve done together…”
“Mmmm! Once I got to help Vaari to wash his motorbike!!” He said with a big smile.
“Yeah…just like that.” :) …and then he was on talking about something else…

So what do you think...? ;) I thought the online translation was not too bad actually but this might give you less of a head ache...! :)

The future...!

It has been decided...Bam-Bam-BAMBAM!
I am not applying to Uni in the spring!

I'm still going to get my certificate in December, but rather than "stressing" to get my application in for the spring term (and thereby limiting my options both location- and concentration-wise) I'm going to wait and apply for the autumn term instead. I'm staying at Komvux (adult education) for the spring term, broadening my academic qualifications so that I'll have a better chance of getting accepted to the University of my choice (whatever that is!? ;)).

I feel (quite) good about making the decision. It has lower my stress a fair bit! :) I was getting quite worked up about the what and where and how and whatabouts of all the possibilities I was facing when getting to this crossroad in life. Now I've pushed that decision making into the future a bit. Not in a planless way of trying to get out of the making the decision, but more a mindful ;) approach, taking into consideration all that I have going on around me at the moment and what benefits I'm most likely getting form another 5 months "extra" studying before tackling the big and scary world of Higher Education...! :)

Bless that lovely school counselor who helped me sort out the mess I'd made of things when trying to sort it out by myself, in my head. Just talking about what I want to do and what my concerns are about my studies in the future he was very very helpful with guiding me in the right (hopefully!) direction...! :)
The point is, I feel much less stressed and that must be a good thing! ;)

So, more maths, possibly natural science, philosophy? and...more history maybe...for the spring term. Geography could possibly be a good idea but :/ hmmm...not really my cup of tea... Still have a few weeks to decide about that though! ;)

Now I'm off to bed and looking forward to an extra day off tomorrow. No school, no assignments due in just a day off from all the must-do's! :)

E.

What have you done in your life?

List from On the Good Life. If you want to play along, just copy and paste this list, highlight/change the font colour of the things you have done (mine are in pink) and let me know that you've posted it!

Here's mine:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (nope...but to the top of the Wallace Monument in Stirling ;))
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (Thought it was too expensive. Walking was just as good.)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (or been with someone being transported, on two seperate occations)
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (the queue was too long!)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia (a day trip to Vyborg)
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (a few actually... :) )
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (no but in Piccadilly Circus!? ;) )
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (toe, twice!)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (if you count fishing as killing? Yup! With some help, instructions, from my dad with the gutting :P )
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (I saw Sean Connery getting out of a car just a few yards infront of me...I was gobsmacked and couldn't get a word out. I count it as a meeting! ;) )
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

To all my mommy friends...

Read this article on Mums in Sweden and I just thought it was brilliant...! Thought I'd share it here with all mommy and mommies-to-be! :)
Let's all try and take the time to treasure the moments and rest assured that your way is just as right and wrong as any one elses...! :) Learn to trust yourself. ♥

E.♥

All My Babies Are Gone Now
By Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow, but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of the them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education - all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations - what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China . Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the "Remember-When-Mom-Did" Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language -mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, "What did you get wrong?" (She insisted I include that here.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night.

I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simpl y grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

School and nervous about the future.

At the moment we're doing "occupational health and safety" (arbetsmiljö&säkerhet) and to get at pass we're all required to know how to perform CPR and apparently some simpler electrical "work" too! :/ :) The school janitor is going to help us out with that! *lol*
My knees are a bit tender after Fridays CPR-course...imagine having to do CPR on someone who's unconscious on gravel...? Ouch...! Better keep a well padded coat with me at all times... ;)

After going through the initial health and safety stuff we're going to get prepped for our 4 week work placement, in October, by learning "all" about childrens development (Förskola, Skola, Fritidshem). Looking forward to both! :)

----

I'm getting a bit stressed over what to do when this term is finished... I'll have my certificate (yay!) and I can a apply to university (applications are due in mid Oct.!? not sure how it'll all work out with the grades I'm still due to get...!) ...or...should/can I keep studying to boost my grades (and the final points which are important for getting accepted to the university) ...or...perhaps I should try (and find) work as a nanny for a while to see that this is definitely something I want to pursue as a "career"...? If I do decide to work I'll have to resign from my job at Åhléns, from which I've been given leave to study (not to work somewhere else!), and if I do that and then don't get enough "nanny-work"...? How will we manage...? So I "should" study instead...? Or...? Not...? But...? Perhaps...? Gaaaah!! :/

I don't wanna be a grown up!! :[

I know it'll all work out in the end but I'm sure I'll have an ulcer by the time winter's here...! *sigh*
How does one know which road to take...?

E.

CPR and AED

I've now got a certificate that I can perform CPR and use an AED! :)

E.

Another week flies by...!

Last assignment of the health education course was to prepare a short "class/lecture" for our classmates about something beneficial to our health, preferably with a practical exercise to go with it...anything goes (sort of), be creative! :) Main idea behind it is the planning and assessment of the work, a way of preparing to plan our time "out in the field" later on in the term.

There's been two full days (another half to go!) of classmate's, more or less interesting and more or less successful, "classes". My brain actually feels fried after all the relaxation exercises, what to eat and not and how our health/mood is affected by colour, yoga, balancing of chakras and the benefits of green tea and that's just the tip of the ice berg! ;) Good fun but...I think a group assignment (even if we'd done it in pairs) would have saved us an awful lot of time, 'cause it get tiring to just sit an listen to all these different things... Having to do just half the time would have kept all our interest up a bit better...feeling a bit sorry for the poor classmates that still have theirs left to do! :/ We were all a bit tired at the end of the day today, even though I think Helena did a good (?) job of balancing our chakras (?)... :)

My "class" was about mindfulness, to not dwell on the past or stress about the future but to try and live more in the moment. A fairly new concept in modern medicine where it is used to reduce stress, chronic pain etc. but practiced in Buddhism for thousands of years...

I heard the concept of mindfulness for the first time this year when I was looking into different types of therapy available for S and his bipolarity. I was reading about DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy), which is mainly for patients with borderline personality disorder but the mindfulness information that I found struck a cord with me. As something perfectly natural, for me, and something almost non-existing, for Stephen.

Since I was very young, I've strived to live by the motto "Carpe Diem" (seize the day) and to seize the moments of the day. To hear the birds, smell the coffee, feel the rain...it comes "naturally" to me.

There's a whole lot of other stuff to the mindfulness concept too but the core of it is to be able to pay attention (nonjudgmentally) to the present moment and to fully experience your emotions and senses, with perspective. ...Something that Stephen's always had a hard time to do...he's (as good as) always in the past or ahead of himself in the future. Whenever he is "in the moment" it's virtually impossible for him to step outside of himself and see what's going on from someone elses point of view. I'm not meaning to sound harsh! :) It's just the way it is and it made me very curious that there was an actual concept about something so...natural...! :)

I think my little lesson went over well with my classmates and from the assessments I got back seem like it was something they felt would be useful for them in the future, which feels good. :)

On Friday it's CPR (HLR) on the schedule...interesting! We're also getting to learn how to use an AED. I've done a course on how to do CPR on children before but not one for adults...

Sweet dreams!

E.

Books you've read...

A friend of mine had done this "Name fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you." on facebook and as I love to read I thought it'd be "fun" to think back on what I've read and what of it has stuck.

I'm usually always looking for the next good read... ;)

Not too trying of a task to pass a bit of time...??
It took me ages to do the list ('cause I decided to do a short "summery" of them as well! ). *lol* It felt good when it was done though! :)

This is my list, in English, even though I've read most of them in Swedish:

1. "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant. Traditions and turmoils of ancient womanhood, a new view of the lives of biblical women.

2. "The Mists of Avalon" by Marion Zimmer Bradley. The Arthurian Legend retold through the eyes and lives of the women who wielded power from behind the throne.

3. "Hannah's Gift: Lessons from a Life Fully Lived" by Maria Housden. About how little Hannah fearlessly faces death and her joyful approach to living. How to truly live in the moment and break free from lives suffocated by too many unlived joys.

4. "The Road to Jerusalem" (+ rest of The Crusades Trilogy) by Jan Guillou. A fantastic "historical" thriller about a Swedish Knight Templar. My favourite combination - religion and history . :)

5. "Follow Your Heart" by Susanna Tamaro. A grandmother writing to her estranged granddaughter, a letter that might not ever reach its destination. A journey through generations to teach us some very important life lessons.

6. "Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson" by Mitch Albom. The title says it all.

7. "Ondskan" by Jan Guillou. Couldn't find title in English, might not have been translated which would be a shame! A young mans fight against his abusers.

8. "According to Mary Magdalene" by Marianne Fredriksson. Fredriksson masterfully breathes life into the figure of Mary Magdalene in this triumphal novel of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, seen through the eyes of the woman who loved him most.

9. "The Birthday Cake" by Sven Nordqvist. A favourite childhood story. Pettson is baking a cake for Findus who has three birthdays a year...

10. "The Tale of the Little, Little Old Woman" by Elsa Beskow. Another childhood "favourite", first published 1897. Very short and very sweet. :)

11. "An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness" by Kay Redfield Jamison. Possibly the foremost authority on manic-depressive illness is also one of its survivors. Powerfully candid, exceptionally wise with the power to transform, and save, lives.

12. "Veronika Decides to Die" by Paulo Coelho. Coelho questions the meaning of madness and celebrates individuals who do not fit into patterns society considers to be normal.

13. "La Cucina" by Lily Prior. A celebration of family, food, passion, and the eternal rapture of romance.

14. "Pope Joan" by Donna Woolfolk Cross. A portrait of an unforgettable woman who struggles against restrictions her soul cannot accept.

15. "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. The unforgettable, beautifully told story of the friendship between two boys growing up in Kabul. A novel about friendship, family, history, love, war, guilt, forgiveness and more...

E.

What books have stuck with you? I'm not asking for all 15 but it'd be a good way of reading a "worth while" book next! :)

September!?

Here we go...again... ;) Where has the time gone!? September already?
In only two short months Anton will be 4 !?! I can't believe it...!

I do like that we're going into autumn, even though right now we've still got summer warmth outside. I love the cool autumn days, falling leaves, warm jumpers and gloves and scarfs... :)

Having no assignments today I've gone through the boxes of winter clothes and realised that Erin won't need anything new for outdoors. There's an overall, two warm winter coats a pair of padded "ski"-trousers + hats and scarves... Oh! She will need ONE thing...new gloves! :D SO grateful for the hand-me-downs Erin get from my nieces (and Anton). Some of the stuff have been worn only for a season and still look new! :)

In my linen closet, where I keep the clothes boxes, I also found a box of all our baby bedlinen that I didn't remember I had there. All those little blankets and quilts etc made me think...is that now an era of the past for us...? How long do I keep the boxes of baby linen and clothes before passing them on to someone else or to charity...?

I'd love to have another baby but right now is not the time and thinking ahead I don't see us finding that time either, at least not until I'm passed my preferred "best before date"... ;) I don't know... I doubt I'll ever feel "done" having children...? My sister says she's done...I believe her. :) I wish I would (will?) feel the same contentment...

E.